


When the Light Falls

by thisfrailheart



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Despair, Dry heaving, Emotional pain, Full Moon, Nausea, Panic Attack, Physical Pain, Remus is having a really hard time, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 02:57:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13650000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisfrailheart/pseuds/thisfrailheart
Summary: The moon always rises. And when its light falls, Remus shatters into pieces.





	When the Light Falls

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the recent lunar events and first published on my tumblr. It's pretty angsty and dark, so please heed the trigger warnings (emotional and physical pain, panic attack, nausea/dry heaving, despair).

_It’s worse than usual._

 

He sinks deeper into the tub, hoping the ice cold water will numb his body.

The needles under his skin.

The ache in his bones.

The blood-thirsty heart in his chest.

But it doesn’t.

Nothing ever calms the beast, pumping liquid fight through his veins.

His teeth are chattering now, his body is shaking.

 

_This isn’t working._

 

His throat is getting tighter and tighter. He tries to swallow, tries to make it go away, but his stomach churns.

Gripping the edge of the tub hard, he pulls himself into an upright position and then pushes to his feet.  

Dizziness blurs his vision and he loses his footing while stepping onto the tiled floor.

The nausea he’d been fearing forces him to his knees and when his balled fists hit the tile his body is already convulsing. But he hasn’t eaten anything and the dry heaving  _hurts_.

Tears sting in his eyes as his knuckles go white.

 

_I_ _can’t do this._

 

Tears hit the floor until his stomach finally settles and the retching stops.

But the pains stays. It always does.

He gets up, wobbles on the spot. Picking up his clothes, he puts them on with jittery hands.

He doesn’t care that he hasn’t dried off. He doesn’t care that he’ll probably catch a cold from this. He doesn’t care that he scratched his knees during the fall and that his trousers will stick to the bloody scrapes.

 

_I don’t care anymore._

 

He stumbles to the bedroom, spine barely holding him upright, feet dragging over the wooden floors.

He’s cold, so he pulls the blanket over him as he falls into bed.

His skin his hot and sensitive, so he throws the blanket off.

Through the window, he sees the light illuminate the darkness outside.

The needles dig deeper.

His blood sings.

The panic reaches into his chest and squeezes tight. 

 

_I can’t breathe._

 

He wishes someone would vanish the moon. Make it disappear from the dark skies.

Just this once.

 

_Please._

 

But it’s always there. Will always be there.

Calling to him. The monster inside.

 

_Tearing me apart._


End file.
